Two Lives

I am a walking contradiction. I came to the realisation on Saturday afternoon as Teach and I sat in front of the television, chowed down on McDonalds and played with E. I heard myself say, 'Now E this is rubbish food, you don't want any of this.' His little eyes watched us closely as we demolished lunch in desperation, not hunger, but desperation to get rid of the evidence that we proactively bought and consumed fast food. It tasted so good, I was disgusted with myself!

A contradiction or just hypocritical? Um, a little from column A and a little from column B. I can't stand the thought of junk food normally but when hunger has me checking out my right arm to see if it would be served better with gravy or tomato sauce, I quickly turn to crap.

My brothers and I were not raised on fast food. It was never allowed in the house or even considered as an alternative. Mum would say, 'I can make something from the cupboard in less time than it takes to drive there and buy it.' She was right. My wonderful Mother had, and still has, a brilliant knack for making something out of nothing. Her Sunday night speciality was Tuna Yuck Yuck. It's a family name one of my brothers gave Tuna Mornay because he hated Tuna. Just the sight of it would make him squirm. But for me it would taste like the best meal I'd had in months because it would be on the table faster than I could say, 'But Muuuuuuuum, I'm hungry noooooooooooow.'

I'd be proud to say I've taken on her 'fast food' preparing traits, but I can't. I'm lazy. Pure and simple. I do love cooking - my kitchen is full of cookbooks by Donna Hay, Marie Claire, Curtis Stone and Jamie Oliver - but only when the occasion calls for it. If I have to cook for myself or Teach and I simply can't be bothered one night then forget it! A can of baked beans on toast or a packet of crackers with tasty cheese is as far as we'll go.  Because let's face it, when you've had an exhausting week, you haven't done the weekly grocery shop and the thought of walking into the kitchen to prepare anything makes you dry reach...well, I'm sorry to say it, but takeaway wins every time.

So how can I eat junk food and expect E not to ask for it? On what planet is it OK that I indulge my food cravings with one hand and feed E organic broccoli and carrot with the other? Bravo Me. I think this hypocrisy means I've found my entry on to Route 101 of the Ridiculous Expectations Highway. I won't be finding an exit anytime soon.

This confronting realisation had me make a mental checklist of other hypocrises in my life. Here's a sample:

1. I buy Fair Trade Organic Coffee for the coffee machine and standard Instant Coffee for those mornings when you need the extra chemicals to get you going.

2. Our laundry is full of eco-friendly/earth safe washing liquids, detergents and cleaning products. They look fabulous lined up next to the extra strength bleach and disinfectant that kills 99.9 per cent of germs. (The skull and cross bones on the bottle should've tipped me off it wasn't eco-friendly!)

3. Our grocercies can consist of organic fruit and vegetables yet they are trucked to Brisbane from Victoria, or worse imported, so the carbon footprint to reach our supermarket is ridiculous.

4. I have a cupboard FULL of gorgeous cotton nappies handed down from family members but E's little toosh has only used one once!  Before he was born I had the best intentions to only dress him in cotton nappies to save on landfill, yet six months on, they still sit on the shelf waiting to be christened. Disposable nappies infiltrated my routine out of (let's be honest here) pure laziness and convenience. I really should give it a try. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. Wait, I have to go out. Maybe the day after that?

5. I've flirted with the idea of becoming a Vegetarian. I don't believe we need to eat animals to survive and the thought of Shaun the Sheep being slaughtered to feed me is heart breaking. I usually announce these life changing decisions while watching a documentary on SBS about animal mirgration across Africa or a cartoon of piglets playing with their Mumma pig. I convince myself it's the right thing to do before taking a leg of lamb out of the freezer to defrost for dinner.

If good intentions could make up for these hypocrises Teach and I would take out First Prize in the Trying to Reduce My Impact on the World But I Can't Be Assed Today Awards. We believe in supporting our local farmers and eating locally grown produce but continue to buy groceries from national supermarkets. We read the labels of cleaning products and try to avoid buying anything that has ingredients we can't pronouce in it but then we'll buy a Home Brand product because it's more affordable. We buy eco-friendly wipes so they don't give E a bad rash but throw his used nappies in a plastic bag... I really shouldn't go on. This is embarassing!

As you can see I live two lives. The one my heart tells me I should for the good of the earth, small business and my child's future and another controlled by my head...and lazy bum.

The saying goes Think Global Act Local, but what if acting local was only when it suited me and my sleep deprived brain? Could I have as much impact on the world if I was a part-time hippy?

I'd be very interested to hear if you are the same. What hypocrisies or contradictions are you most embarrassed by?