It's slowly driving me crazy and I can't seem to log off. I think I need to see a Doctor. Perhaps a pyschologist? Maybe an IT guy? Someone to help me switch back to default mode and make my mind work the way it use to in the beautiful days BFB - Before Facebook.
Oh, the good old days! Yes you remember them. The days of an era long ago, circa 2007, when friends would write you an email or send a text with little thought. It was so harmless, carefree and naieve. It was heaven!
I realised I had a problem when I spent my Saturday night in bed planning my Facebook status update. A loooooooong story short, E was extremely tired so I left Teach to enjoy the night out with our friends and took E back to the hotel. After putting the rug rat to sleep and coming to terms with the knowledge that I would miss out on a great night, I settled into bed with a cup of tea and my book, but my mind kept wandering, trying to come up with clever ways to explain my night via a status update.
For what felt like hours, I would write and re-write a line and phrase over and over again searching for something that would work. I was looking for an interesting, funny yet smart sentence that would encapsulate my dreadful evening. It needed to be short and sharp. A comment that oozed humour, garnered sympathy from other Mothers and portrayed a deep sense of loss for the night that never was so readers would feel the urge to comment or like it. I knew one awesome and powerful sentence would make me feel better. Something I desperately needed to ensure my whole night wasn't wasted.
I was completely delusional and lost in a haze of words. I couldn't stop thinking about different ways to say the same thing. I would read it aloud and give each word emphasis to ensure I wasn't being rude, crass, mean or insulting. The hit finally came to an end after I accidently pressed 'Share' and went with the fourth (or was it fifth?) draft I'd prepared. The line (pun intended) was over to fast and I needed another hit. Where will the next one come from? What else is happening that I could write a status update about?
It's sad but true. Teach knows only too well how a Facebook status update has started to infiltrate my day-to-day existance. We'll be watching TV, driving somewhere or discussing what we'll have for dinner when suddenly I announce 'That would make an awesome Facebook status. Write that down!' He doesn't, much to my disgust. It upsets me now just thinking about it.
Can't relate? Think of it this way. My facebook status update is the equivalent to the fashionable 'Oh, this old thing. I just threw it on' line we all say to girlfriends when we catch up for lunch, when in actual fact you've been mixing pieces from your wardrobe for an hour, asking your boyfriend if this dress goes with these shoes and frying your hair under a blow dryer for 20 minutes striving for that just-got-out-of-bed-hair look loved by Sienna Miller and Alexa Chung.
Surely I'm not the only one who has realised that the answers to life lie in a text box titled 'What's on your mind?' and you judge the
Now I've taken the first step in overcoming this illness, I have strength and confidence in knowing I will be free to think, talk, work and live as a responsible adult again one day. My new life is just around the corner.
I just need to make it fit into 140 characters or less!
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