Darwin or Bust

Our holiday was not going well and we hadn’t even left the airport yet.

Teach, E and I were off to Darwin for five days to celebrate a friends wedding. We’d been looking forward to our little getaway since the couple announced their engagement six months earlier. I’d been to the top end once before and knew what to expect, but for Teach and E this was a new adventure, plus it was our first family holiday.

Yep, it was going to be great. A trip we’d always remember and have fond memories of. The gorgeous weather, pictures of a happy family living it up with friends away from home. Oh, how we’d laugh and share memorable moments when we returned....

Unfortunately the majority of flights from Brisbane to Darwin are night flights. We were scheduled to arrive in the NT capital at 12.45am, pick up our hire car and make the short journey to our hotel in the city centre. I knew flying at this time would be a challenge with a four and a half month old but I had my fingers crossed he’d get good sleep during the long flight and be sound to sleep in his cot by 2am at the latest. No worries.

E has a little night-time routine which helps him fall into a deep slumber quickly. He loves his book, bath and boob routine each evening – what man wouldn’t? We’ve been proactive in setting it up since he was about 4 weeks old so he knew it was bed time. Anyway, on the night we were off to the airport he knew something was different. We sang his bath song which lets him know it’s the start of bed time, gave him a nice warm bath then got him dressed. But instead of his comfy bed he was put in his car seat. His eyes shot me a look. ‘What’s going on? Where am I going Mum?’ I took the hint and sprung into action. ‘Old McDonald had a farm. E, I, E, I, O. And on that farm he had a cow.’ I should’ve known then it wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d planned.

We decided to go for a drive around Wynnum and Manly on the way to the airport to give E an hour sleep before he arrived at the airport. Mistake one. He fell asleep and didn’t plan to wake for another three hours like any other night. We arrived at the long term car park, organised our suitcases, the pram, E’s car capsule and nappy bag before I woke E to put him in the Baby Bjorn for the trek to the terminal. I don’t think so Mum. He was off! He was so upset he’d been awoken early. ‘Why am I awake?’ he screamed across the long term car park. ‘Where am I? I want to go home to bed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ My poor little man cried and cried. I started up his favourite song again to try and calm him down. ‘Old McDonald had a farm. E, I, E, I, O...’

With Bubbaloo happy again we went on to Darwin. Woo hoo! Holidays here we come!

The flight went smoothly and we arrived on time. Teach made his way to the luggage carousel to collect our gear – everything but the kitchen sink – and I took E in the carrier to get our hire car. We lined up behind a large group of guys who looked like they arrived for a fishing weekend or a Buck’s party. They were in great spirits all jovial and laughing. ‘Good on ya guys. Have fun,’ I thought.

‘Ok, you can have fun elsewhere now. Get your bloody car and leave already!’ a solid 15 minutes later we were still waiting. E was getting grumpy so I danced on the spot to keep him entertained. Despite the NT being half an hour behind Queensland, it felt like we’d lost two hours because of the late night and long flight. Exhaustion was setting in and the holiday mood was quickly fading. If only we’d arrived at a more normal hour.

I finally got to the front of the line to get our hire car. After going through the standard paper work I explained to the attendant that I no longer needed their car seat and that I cancelled it online two days earlier. ‘We weren’t aware of that cancellation so it’s been installed already,’ she explained. ‘You’re more than welcome to take ours out and use yours.’ Great! Let’s do that. ‘Do you have a map of Darwin we could borrow?’ I asked desperately wanting to get to our hotel, the tired baby to sleep and in bed myself. ‘Sorry, but the Information Centre will.’

I gave the keys to Teach and went to grab a Darwin map before we were on our way.

‘Where are you headed?’ the Info lady asked. ‘The city centre. I think the hotel is called Quest Palmerston.’ ‘That’s not in Darwin lovey. That’s in Palmerston. 20 minutes away.’ She said with pity. ‘I don’t think my map includes Palmerston.’ WHAT?!

She was right. After explaining where Palmerston was with a hand drawn map, my heart couldn’t sink any further. Oh yes, our hotel was in the city centre like it promoted itself, but it was Palmerston city NOT Darwin city. Shit! This would not be a fun mission at 2am with a crying baby, slowly growing more peeved partner and one tired Mumma. E felt my pain and started crying. ‘Old McDonald had a farm. E, I, E, I, O. And on that farm he had a duck,’ I sang. ‘Have a great holiday,’ the lady said and sent us on our way to...where the hell are we going?

After 10 minutes we found our hire car. Teach started loading our luggage in while I racked my brain to understand why I thought the hotel was in Darwin. It was doing my head in. ‘I worked in Tourism. I use to travel for work. I know how to read a website and decipher bloody hotel details. I read its description 500 times before I booked it. It said ‘5 minute walk to the city.’ What the hell was I thinking?’ I rambled on to try and ease the tension rising and blame someone else – it was obviously their fault. ‘Let’s just install his car seat and leave.’ Teach said. ‘We’ll deal with it tomorrow.’ Righto. Good plan.

‘I can’t undo it. I’m not sure how this bloody thing works,’ Teach called out to me while I was feeding E in the front passenger seat. ‘I’m not doing this now. I’ll change it tomorrow. Let’s get out of this bloody airport.’ Teach took charge and we were on our way. I put  E in the car seat and sat beside him in case it was too big (not a moment for parental brownie points but get over it) and tried to direct Teach out of the airport carpark to the middle of nowhere from a hand drawn map that looked like Mr Scribble threw up. Are we having fun yet?

They often say it’s the sign of a good relationship if you can survive a road trip or holiday without killing each other – especially when the woman is giving directions. To add insult to injury, whenever I give directions I swap my right with my left and usually send us around in circles. But luck was on my side (or just the stress of getting it correct) and we managed to find our way through a land that time forgot to Palmerston.

I spotted the hotel in the distance. It teased me like a mirage in a dessert. ‘Is that it? That’s it!’ There. It’s over there! Go, go, go!’ Despite being a 20 minute drive from Darwin airport (which, as we all know, is nothing to travel in most cities. I’d drive further for good Thai takeaway) we felt a million miles away from where we wanted to be, but the Quest sign shining brightly from the rooftop was a beacon of hope that we would eventually relax/sleep/start our holiday on the right foot.

At 2am we pulled up in the hotel driveway. I jumped out faster than you can say grumpy-family-needs-sleep to get our key from the after hours mail box. I typed in the pin number the hotel emailed me during the week and pressed hash. Nothing. Tried again. Nothing. I re-read the instructions on my email and the instructions on the mail box out loud so I didn’t confuse the steps or enter the pin number incorrectly. Again, nothing happened. WTF?!

This time it was my turn. My emotional threshold had burst. ‘This is bloody ridiculous!’ I cried trying to hold back the tears. ‘You try,’ I ordered Teach. With a crying baby and now a crying partner to deal with Teach didn’t know who to calm first, but tried to save the day. He followed the instructions. The key wouldn’t drop. The mail box didn’t even make a noise in an attempt to drop the key. Nothing.  Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. It was as if the hotel was playing a practical joke and having a grand old laugh at our expense. ‘You stupid Queenslanders. You think you’re so hot winning six State-of-Origins but you can’t have no stinkin’ key. Go away!’

I rang the emergency mobile number listed in font size 2 (not sure size 2 exists but it looked that small at 2.15am) on the email and took a deep breath. ‘Yes?’ came the sleepy voice. I’d obviously woken the Night Manager which thrilled me immediately. ‘Hi. My name is Sian. I’m supposed to have a key for me in the after hours mail box. We’ve tried several times but it’s not working.’

‘Did you follow the instructions?’ he asked, to which I wanted to say ‘Well, that’s a brilliant bloody idea. Why didn’t I think of that you well-rested bastard!’

Instead I said, ‘Yes, of course. My partner also tried several times but nothing is happening. Can you please let us in?’

‘Oh, well it should be working. I’ll be there soon,’ he replied. ‘Ok, but can you please define ‘soon’ as I have a screaming 4 month old baby here who needs to get to bed and if you can’t be here in less than 10 minutes we’ll just go somewhere else.’ Shockingly rude I know, but feel my pain people by now it’s close to 2.30am and we are a long way from home – metaphorically and literally.

‘Yeah, I’m in the building I’ll be there in two minutes.’ And thankfully he was. In less than a few seconds he handed us what felt like a gold key to heaven. Hallelujah!  

We parked the car, got our luggage and hauled our tired bodies to our room. ‘I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow and laugh about all this,’ I said to Teach trying to find the lighter side of the evening and ease the tension, which was now so thick it made Paris Hilton look intelligent.

We walked in to our lovely studio apartment and collapsed on the bed. E had calmed down but was obviously still exhausted. ‘Where’s the cot?’ Teach asked. I checked the cupboard and under the bed, just in case a large portable cot was hiding somewhere else in the tiny room.  Nope, they’d forgotten the cot. ‘Brilliant. Well that does it for me I’m afraid,’ I laughed in a cocktail of exhaustion, hunger and bewilderment. ‘Darwin - oops, I mean - Palmerston, you are without a doubt the most memorable getaway I’ve ever had.’ And we’d only just begun.

Teach, E and I curled up in bed close to 3am and thankfully didn’t wake until after 9am. To be continued...